Love, Uncategorized, Writing

The Unseen River. 

There’s a river held behind my eyes.
Blocked by an unseen dam,
I feel unseen, I don’t feel alive.
If you can’t love me, then who can?
I’m ready for this holding force to give way,
To break, to rush, to scream.
For emotions to spill and pour and leak away.
It’s so easy to block the things not wanted.
It’s so easy to shut the door on pent up feelings and desires.
It’s so easy to sweep the pieces into little corners and crevices, out of the way,
Until they aren’t.
Until a small sliver, a tiny crack in the dam, a drip of water, and
Suddenly
Overwhelming thoughts and hopes long forgotten and dreams once hidden are exposed, raw, vulnerable.
And it’s not easy anymore. It’s not effortless. And you’re so afraid that if you see yourself for who you really are, for all those dreams that haven’t come true, for all those desires darkening the hidden corners of your heart,
Everyone else will see them too.

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Uncategorized, Writing

My middle name is Love. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately. I’ve been thinking about the moment my great grandmother decided to give my grandmother a name that would one day be passed down to a child she had never met. A child that would someday grow into a woman who would wander through life believing in the one true miracle of love.

I am that wandering child. My middle name is Love. I believe in magical moments. I believe that the opening chords of a song can touch a place deep within a person’s heart and touch memories that release their deepest feelings and hopes and dreams. I believe in nostalgia and wonder and magic. I believe that true love never fails and everyday, I am reminded of this by the love of My Saviour, Jesus Christ. Everyday I am amazed that His love can last forever. I am astounded that as a tiny spec in the galaxy, I am even noticed enough to be a recipient of His love. 

I have been a giver of love and I have been a receiver of love. I have been a recipient of heartbreak, and I have questioned the meaning of love with every fiber of my being. I have cried tears of happiness over being loved and I have also shed tears of heartbreak. I have doubted love and I have been afraid to open my heart to love again. I have lived and I have grown and I have come to realize that not all love will last forever. I count it a blessing to have been able to experience true love. And someday, I believe I will be equally as blessed to experience the magnificent joy of true love again. 

Love is a word that I have learned not to take for granted. 

I have loved many things in this short life I have lived, and I know I have so many more things and places and people to add to the list. 

I love a good swing set with an incredible view of the stars. I love the rush of wind that sweeps over my face and rushes in between my hair and makes the slight bubble of laughter involuntarily escape from my lips because with every ounce of my strength I am nearing the stars. I love the three bright stars that make up Orion’s Belt and how they are a constant reminder of many lovely memories past. 

I love the way a plane increases with such force until it finally breaks free from gravity and points it’s way into higher and more unexplored territories. I love the feeling of turbulence because it reminds me of roller coasters and butterflies in my stomach and the feeling of two hands intertwined for the first time. 

I love the feeling of opening up the door that leads me into a home filled with my favorite people on earth. I love the joyous shouts calling my name and the tangle of arms that surround me as the purest acts of affection are given. 

I love the overwhelming feeling and the tears that slide silently down my cheeks when I am surrounded by the presence of the Lord. 

I love roots. And the way they curl and tangle and grow together until one finds it almost impossible to separate them. I love the immense satisfaction that comes with watching a plant grow and knowing that your care is recognized with each new leaf that opens and each new bud that blooms. 

I love the day it first feels like summer and I love the day when it first feels like winter. I love sidewalks filled with leaves and boots crunching in the snow. I love sunshine and I love shadows and I love the ripples of light that play across my bedroom walls. 

I love taking old and broken things and bringing them back to life. With words, with strokes of a paintbrush over an old canvas, with kindness and with tender care. 

I love being able to share my love and I love the feeling of being loved. 

I know that my great grandmother wasn’t thinking of a somewhat quirky and awkward girl called Corina when she gave my grandmother her middle name. I know I was never able to meet her, but if I did, I would look in her eyes with as much gratitude as I could muster, and I would thank her for giving me something I could hang on to with all of my heart. I would thank her for the constant reminder to share love wherever I go. I feel like I know my great grandmother through my middle name. I can imagine the way her ballet slippers swept across the studio floor as she practiced her dance. I can imagine the graceful way she twirled and the look in her eyes as she practiced one of the many things that she loved. I can imagine the emotions colliding within her as she held my grandmother in her arms for the first time and could only think of naming her after the feeling bursting in her own heart. I am so grateful to my own mother for passing along the memory of two of the greatest women in my family line. 

As I sit in this parking lot, frantically writing down the words that seem to spill out of my heart, tears slide down my cheeks and I can’t help but feel content and nostalgic and overwhelmed. I look forward to finding new things, new people, and new memories to look back on with such violent waves of love as I am feeling now. 

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Travel, Uncategorized, Writing

Vague, Blurry, Pretty Daydreams. 

A few weeks ago, while reading a masterpiece of a novel by John Green, I re-read one of the best quotes of my entire life. I automatically picked up my pen and quickly jotted down the brief, but precise, incredible words. Having a pen and notebook nearby has become a necessity of mine while I am reading. I learned long ago that just because you hear something significant and think you will never forget it, you are almost always ninety-nine percent wrong. I can’t tell you how many notebooks, random scrap pieces of paper, receipts, and even pages in my daily planner have words and sentences significant to maybe even no one but myself, scratched across their margins. 

I can tell right away when I read something that I know I want to remember. And I knew this quote was something I wanted to write in huge, bold, underlined, letters across everything I owned. 

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

-Mary Oliver

How is it possible for a question to be so perfectly poised and not set your mind whirling? Answer: not possible. Last year I turned twenty-two, finally able to sing Taylor Swift’s 22 at the top of my lungs and have the time of my life while enjoying the perfectly incredible feeling of having the rest of my life in front of me. But in the back of my mind, I realized that I was already dreading being 23. That’s me, I thought. Always looking towards the future while forgetting to enjoy my present to it’s fullest. I decided then, that I would make the best out of my twenty-second year of living, my twenty-third and twenty- fourth year and so on. I would have no regrets about the way I spent this decade of my life. 

Six months after I made this decision, I realized that in that time, I had spent 23 of those days traveling to three different countries, two continents, and also taking a trip along the entire East Coast. It’s always been a dream of mine to travel the world and I was finally doing it! And then I wasn’t. One of the best feelings in the world is dropping your luggage by the door, climbing into your pajamas, and sleeping the night away in bed that has been patiently waiting for your arrival since the day you left on the start of your adventures. And one of the worst feelings in the world is waking up in that bed the next morning and realizing that your adventures are over. 

The first week of December found me arriving back from an incredible trip to Kenya, Africa and immediately falling into the holidays. This continued through the first part of January, the days whirling away, busy celebrating, planning, and ringing in the new year with goals, plans, hopes, and dreams. 

And   Then   Everything   Slowed   Down. 

One day I was busy celebrating the new year and new possibilities and the next day, I felt stuck in routine, drowning in everyday mediocrity. And then, I read this quote, quickly scratched in down, and realized that making the most out of your life doesn’t mean only taking trips around the world and checking countries and continents and activities off your Bucket List. Making the most of your life means that you spend every day of your life making the most of every moment in your one wild and precious life. 

The book I am currently reading was the flame to the spark that Mary Oliver’s quote placed into my life. The book is called Thirty Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know By The Time She’s 30, and I highly recommend it to every woman out there, especially those in their 20’s. Among those on the list, including A Decent Piece of Furniture Not Previously Owned By Anyone Else In Your Family (Check! Go me!), is A Youth You Are Content To Move Beyond, and this chapter resonated in my heart, as this subject has been on my mind so often as of late. In the spirit of no regrets, I want to be content with the end of my twenties and also content with moving beyond them. 

“Youth is not the blossom, but the bud, and though one cannot always be young and wild, if you are willing to learn, to grow, to outrun the mileposts of your own wildest dreams, you can always be winsome and lucky, lovely and free.” 

-ZZ Packer 

And from me: while you are budding, and growing, and learning, and making the most out of your one wild and precious life, don’t forget the vague, blurry, and pretty daydreams that may not be reality right now, but that give you the chance to make big plans, dream big things, and look forward to the future with a sense of excitement and accomplishment, and the absence of regret. 

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Uncategorized

The Road to Anywhere.

Wake up late, thinking
Will this ever end?
Punching the clock,
Can’t think this early.
Stumble through
Morning Routines.
Flyaway hairs,
Spray them down,
You must look presentable.
Coffee in hand,
The road to work
Never changes.
Daily Routines,
Office chairs,
Four walls,
Dreaming of 5 o’clock.
Meetings and planning and
Organizing for tomorrow.
More routines.
No more routines.
Stop the routines.
Leaving the office and
You can’t help but think,
Routines are for the
Responsible.
The Sensible.
5 o’clock means
Shutting the office door behind you.
Getting in the car,
To take the same
Never changing road
To go back and prepare for the
Next day of
Never changing Routines.
But not tonight.
Tonight you
Make up your mind
To Get Lost.
You roll down your windows and
Get lost in the music.
Get lost in adventure.
Get lost in the moment.
This night is for you.
No routines.
No responsibility.
Let loose the flyaway hairs,
You’re on The Road to Anywhere.

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Uncategorized

Not ready, but now.

There is no such thing as ready, there is only now.

I have never been ready to start a blog. I have never filled a whole journal. Don’t get me wrong, I treasure the feel of blank pages and the sight of stacks of notebooks waiting to be filled, but time has a way of getting away from me day after day as my entries slowly dwindle into Oblivion. I don’t like New Years Resolutions, and I like doing things only because I want to do them. I have days that I want to do nothing but have a Hot date with Netflix (Hello Valentines Day…), and then there are days like yesterday where I want to Conquer the entire Creative World, so I re-pot some plants (aka give my Plant Children new homes), cook Banana (thanks, Gwen) Chocolate Chip Muffins (aka heaven in your mouth), add some tasteful touches to vintage paintings I scored for $2 a piece, read books (more on my 2015 Book Reading Challenge later), and download Every Single Thing recorded by my new favorite music Artist, St. Lucia (Spotify FTW).

This blog came about by the suggestions of two of my bests, H and A.

H started a blog recently (www.lifeisjustdarling.wordpress.com) which you should check out! She is currently living in Okinawa, Japan (awesome, right?!) and helping the missionaries there. She’s my Kindred, and is living the Island Life Dream right now. Definitely someone you want to check out!

has been telling me to blog for oh, A Million Years, and gave me a deadline to have it running by February 1st. (Persuasive huh?) So, here you go, A, February 2nd will have to do!

Honorable Mention: My Highschool Best, K who made a pact with me during Senior Year to Travel the World Together. We’ve been doing great So Far, and I’m looking forward to Ireland 2016! You + Me & The World, K.

And now, More on Non-New Years Resolutions (because Hello, it’s already February).

I’m literally the most Un-Tech Savvy Person You Have Ever Met, besides maybe my Father. (I recently finished the book Paper Towns by John Green -a MUST- so please forgive the Margo-Style Punctuation.) My computer is currently on the fritz and I don’t own an iPad, yet! (Hello, Income Tax!) but, I am determined for my words to be in the world of The Great and expansive internet, even if only read by pre-mentioned H and A. 

So, Welcome! I’m Corina, by the way. Twenty-two and a Fanatic for All Things Creative. Born in Texas and I love giraffes (and even kissed one in Kenya, Africa last year!), I’ve been in one long term relationship that didn’t end the Greatest, and I wasted entirely too much time getting over Him. I write things occasionaly. I might post them occasionally. I recently read something on HelloGiggles (which I am on WAY too often, Thank You Zooey Deschanel, aka My Fashion Role Model for Life) about why being in Your Twenties is the greatest time in Your Entire Life. I’m only just beginning my twenties, I have a propensity to spend all my time thinking of the countries I want to visit, the sights I want to see, the road trips I want to take, etc. etc. So, I’ve decided to Travel my Twenties (check my Instagram @travelingmytwenties for photos of all my Adventures) and spend the Next Eight Years of my life doing whatever I want whenever I want. Basically living the Greatest Life I Can. My Heart is definitely En Route to the next destination at all times. I’ve currently been to three countries, two continents besides my own, and about 20 of the 50 United States of America. (I’ll have to figure that list out soon). I’ve never been kissed, so if someone could send me undercover back to highschool so I can meet a darling teacher, fall in love, unintentionally break his heart, write an article to persuade him of my love, and be kissed for the first time in front of hundreds in the middle of a baseball field by the love of my life, That’d Be Great.

So if you want to see pictures and read about my Babies (okay, single-lady-word for Plants), my Resilient and Brave fish, Gilbert, the never-ending Wanderlust and my travels, thrift store makeovers, yum recipes, my latest music fling, or basically Anything I’m Currently Obsessed with, pull up a chair, sip a cup of tea (mmmm Chai Lattes), and enjoy!

Remember, you may not be Ready to do something, but the time to start is Now.

With Love from A Gypsy Heart & A Restless Soul,

C

P. S. Hopefully you can read this amongst all my (thoughts)

Also, currently listening to this On Repeat:

 

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