I always have this feeling that I will meet you away from home. Away from everything I have always known. And because of that, I will know in an instant that you are the one I will spend the rest of my life with. The one that can make me feel completely safe away from familiarity. The one who can break away my comfortable shell and replace it with new feelings of tangible love and adventure. You will be my home away from home.
I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately. I’ve been thinking about the moment my great grandmother decided to give my grandmother a name that would one day be passed down to a child she had never met. A child that would someday grow into a woman who would wander through life believing in the one true miracle of love.
I am that wandering child. My middle name is Love. I believe in magical moments. I believe that the opening chords of a song can touch a place deep within a person’s heart and touch memories that release their deepest feelings and hopes and dreams. I believe in nostalgia and wonder and magic. I believe that true love never fails and everyday, I am reminded of this by the love of My Saviour, Jesus Christ. Everyday I am amazed that His love can last forever. I am astounded that as a tiny spec in the galaxy, I am even noticed enough to be a recipient of His love.
I have been a giver of love and I have been a receiver of love. I have been a recipient of heartbreak, and I have questioned the meaning of love with every fiber of my being. I have cried tears of happiness over being loved and I have also shed tears of heartbreak. I have doubted love and I have been afraid to open my heart to love again. I have lived and I have grown and I have come to realize that not all love will last forever. I count it a blessing to have been able to experience true love. And someday, I believe I will be equally as blessed to experience the magnificent joy of true love again.
Love is a word that I have learned not to take for granted.
I have loved many things in this short life I have lived, and I know I have so many more things and places and people to add to the list.
I love a good swing set with an incredible view of the stars. I love the rush of wind that sweeps over my face and rushes in between my hair and makes the slight bubble of laughter involuntarily escape from my lips because with every ounce of my strength I am nearing the stars. I love the three bright stars that make up Orion’s Belt and how they are a constant reminder of many lovely memories past.
I love the way a plane increases with such force until it finally breaks free from gravity and points it’s way into higher and more unexplored territories. I love the feeling of turbulence because it reminds me of roller coasters and butterflies in my stomach and the feeling of two hands intertwined for the first time.
I love the feeling of opening up the door that leads me into a home filled with my favorite people on earth. I love the joyous shouts calling my name and the tangle of arms that surround me as the purest acts of affection are given.
I love the overwhelming feeling and the tears that slide silently down my cheeks when I am surrounded by the presence of the Lord.
I love roots. And the way they curl and tangle and grow together until one finds it almost impossible to separate them. I love the immense satisfaction that comes with watching a plant grow and knowing that your care is recognized with each new leaf that opens and each new bud that blooms.
I love the day it first feels like summer and I love the day when it first feels like winter. I love sidewalks filled with leaves and boots crunching in the snow. I love sunshine and I love shadows and I love the ripples of light that play across my bedroom walls.
I love taking old and broken things and bringing them back to life. With words, with strokes of a paintbrush over an old canvas, with kindness and with tender care.
I love being able to share my love and I love the feeling of being loved.
I know that my great grandmother wasn’t thinking of a somewhat quirky and awkward girl called Corina when she gave my grandmother her middle name. I know I was never able to meet her, but if I did, I would look in her eyes with as much gratitude as I could muster, and I would thank her for giving me something I could hang on to with all of my heart. I would thank her for the constant reminder to share love wherever I go. I feel like I know my great grandmother through my middle name. I can imagine the way her ballet slippers swept across the studio floor as she practiced her dance. I can imagine the graceful way she twirled and the look in her eyes as she practiced one of the many things that she loved. I can imagine the emotions colliding within her as she held my grandmother in her arms for the first time and could only think of naming her after the feeling bursting in her own heart. I am so grateful to my own mother for passing along the memory of two of the greatest women in my family line.
As I sit in this parking lot, frantically writing down the words that seem to spill out of my heart, tears slide down my cheeks and I can’t help but feel content and nostalgic and overwhelmed. I look forward to finding new things, new people, and new memories to look back on with such violent waves of love as I am feeling now.
I want to feel love again.
The deep incredible love we shared.
I don’t want to be so afraid of love breaking again.
Of its crumbling remains that pile up and blow debris and dust for
Miles and miles,
And years and years.
I want an easy love.
A love as gentle as an evening breeze.
As strong and as brilliant as fire.
A love as vibrant as the evening sunset,
And as faithful as the sun in rising every morning.
A love that will willingly and without complaint, work to break down the leftover debris of heartache that have rebuilt themselves around my heart.
I want to love someone with an all consuming love ten times stronger than the love we ever shared.
And I can’t imagine a love like that because I loved you with my whole heart.
I can’t imagine a love like that,
But I have to believe in it.
You are the words on the very tip of my tongue.
You are the countries I’ve been longing to visit.
You are the song that plays over and over in my mind.
You are the sunshine in the shadows that play across my room.
You are the nerve endings that light up every time we touch.
You are the destination at the end of every road trip.
You are the butterflies that flutter relentlessly in my stomach.
You are the feeling of being home.
You are the wanderlust that stirs in my heart.
You are the fireworks on every holiday.
You are the pulse thumping through my veins.
You are you, and I am me.
And I’m so glad that we are we.